The Ultimate Job...Parenting!
Recently I had two Facebook posts on my timeline that pointed my thoughts to my parenting skills. One of them was posted by my daughter, April, which said "Tag a mother and let her know that she's the best!!!" Another, which I can't find now that I am looking for it, said something about letting mothers everywhere know that they are doing a great job.
My child rearing years, 32 of them to be exact, are now a memory...a great memory in fact. In retrospect, we tend to remember the good stuff, the places we went, the quiet times at home, and the most precious memories of all, the times when I held them as babies. It takes a little more digging around in my memory banks to recall the tough times of parenting, the times we had to practice tough love, the spankings (I hear a gasp from modern parents), and all the blasted work that went with raising kids.
Raising kids isn't easy, and I believe it's getting tougher every year! Kids have a way of worming themselves into your heart then stomping on it when you are your most vulnerable. You want to believe your child is perfect, but they continue to remind us that they are not. They demand much care, a lot of endless work and a fair amount of money.
Each child is their own person with their own personality and their own set of strengths and weaknesses. I point back about 45 years ago when my first child was born. In the delivery room she didn't even cry. In fact the doctor was concerned and asked the nurse to check on her. The nurse checked and told us she was simply looking around trying to figure out where she was at! Two and a half years later, our second daughter was born. She was mad at us, mad at the doctors, mad that she had to be born, just mad in general. She let us all know she had a healthy set of lungs!
After Heather was born, she was such a good baby...woke up to eat and have her diaper changed, slept through the night at a month old, smiled and cooed and made everyone love her. I saw other parents whose children were fussy and disobedient, and I thought it was too bad they didn't know as much as I did about raising good children. I know, that sounds really arrogant now, but at the time I was taking full credit for a happy baby. Enter daughter number 2, the one who was mad about being born. She continued to be mad for several years. She cried all the time, as a toddler she was the classic strong-willed child. My arrogance crumbled! Had we only had the first child, I would have been the most arrogant and insufferable parent in the world. As we had two more children, each with their various good and bad points, humility and eventually compassion for other parents was gained.
I have always thought it would have been helpful had God included an instruction manual for each child, since there is no one-size-fits-all approach that works every time. Just when you think you've got something figured out about raising kids, one of your kids will let you know it's not working for them. There's just no way to "arrive" at child-rearing wisdom.
So this is the story I have been working toward since I began writing. It was a moment of truth for me that changed the way I esteemed myself as a parent forever.
After I learned I wasn't the perfect parent, I seemed to learn that I was a failure as a parent. At the time I had a few people feeding me that lie, and this was before I learned you could simply cease to be friends with people who fed negativity into your life. So, I spent a few years feeling like I was failing as a parent and letting my children down. I feared they would grow up, leave home and hate me because I was a bad parent.
The year was apparently 1991 because Heather was a senior. In true hometown fashion, the local newspaper did an interview with each senior student and published it in the paper. We received our copy of the newspaper with Heather's interview one day at noon, and I was happy to see her interview included that week. One paragraph of her story read, "McCoy's future plans are to be a nanny, and her greatest ambition is 'to be as great a mother as my mom is.'"
Now there you have it, right from the mouth of the kid I thought I was failing! I cried, and you can probably guess that I still have a copy of that paper. That was such a turning point for me. I didn't see myself as a failing parent any more. I still felt inadequate at times and struggled to figure out how to be a better parent to each child, but I wasn't failing!
They say the proof is in the pudding (which is an analogy that I don't totally get, but I understand the message in it). All four of our kids have now reached adulthood. None of them have gone to jail. Each one of them is gainfully employed in careers they can be proud of. And, most importantly, each one of them is being the parent they need to be to my 14 grandchildren. And, if the proof is still in the pudding, the results of their efforts are there for all the world to see. Each of these precious grandchildren is loved and nurtured and headed for success in life.
So, to anyone who is still raising kids, you are doing a great job! You may not feel like you are, and some days are hard, no getting around that. If anyone is making you feel like a failure, walk away from them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Parent to parent, we need to encourage one another and build up one another. As a grandparent to a parent, we need to remember how hard those days were and offer whatever help and encouragement we can.
Just as I was arrogant in my beginning success, I need to guard against arrogance in my current success. While good examples and training and discipline have contributed to my kids growing up well, the success is still theirs. They have made the choices to follow their training and examples and faith. All my successful parenting could be for naught if one of my kids decides to follow the wrong path.
I have read that getting old isn't for sissies, and that's true. But taking on parenting is the truest test of courage. The challenges are real but so are the benefits!
My child rearing years, 32 of them to be exact, are now a memory...a great memory in fact. In retrospect, we tend to remember the good stuff, the places we went, the quiet times at home, and the most precious memories of all, the times when I held them as babies. It takes a little more digging around in my memory banks to recall the tough times of parenting, the times we had to practice tough love, the spankings (I hear a gasp from modern parents), and all the blasted work that went with raising kids.
Raising kids isn't easy, and I believe it's getting tougher every year! Kids have a way of worming themselves into your heart then stomping on it when you are your most vulnerable. You want to believe your child is perfect, but they continue to remind us that they are not. They demand much care, a lot of endless work and a fair amount of money.
Each child is their own person with their own personality and their own set of strengths and weaknesses. I point back about 45 years ago when my first child was born. In the delivery room she didn't even cry. In fact the doctor was concerned and asked the nurse to check on her. The nurse checked and told us she was simply looking around trying to figure out where she was at! Two and a half years later, our second daughter was born. She was mad at us, mad at the doctors, mad that she had to be born, just mad in general. She let us all know she had a healthy set of lungs!
After Heather was born, she was such a good baby...woke up to eat and have her diaper changed, slept through the night at a month old, smiled and cooed and made everyone love her. I saw other parents whose children were fussy and disobedient, and I thought it was too bad they didn't know as much as I did about raising good children. I know, that sounds really arrogant now, but at the time I was taking full credit for a happy baby. Enter daughter number 2, the one who was mad about being born. She continued to be mad for several years. She cried all the time, as a toddler she was the classic strong-willed child. My arrogance crumbled! Had we only had the first child, I would have been the most arrogant and insufferable parent in the world. As we had two more children, each with their various good and bad points, humility and eventually compassion for other parents was gained.
I have always thought it would have been helpful had God included an instruction manual for each child, since there is no one-size-fits-all approach that works every time. Just when you think you've got something figured out about raising kids, one of your kids will let you know it's not working for them. There's just no way to "arrive" at child-rearing wisdom.
So this is the story I have been working toward since I began writing. It was a moment of truth for me that changed the way I esteemed myself as a parent forever.
After I learned I wasn't the perfect parent, I seemed to learn that I was a failure as a parent. At the time I had a few people feeding me that lie, and this was before I learned you could simply cease to be friends with people who fed negativity into your life. So, I spent a few years feeling like I was failing as a parent and letting my children down. I feared they would grow up, leave home and hate me because I was a bad parent.
The year was apparently 1991 because Heather was a senior. In true hometown fashion, the local newspaper did an interview with each senior student and published it in the paper. We received our copy of the newspaper with Heather's interview one day at noon, and I was happy to see her interview included that week. One paragraph of her story read, "McCoy's future plans are to be a nanny, and her greatest ambition is 'to be as great a mother as my mom is.'"
Now there you have it, right from the mouth of the kid I thought I was failing! I cried, and you can probably guess that I still have a copy of that paper. That was such a turning point for me. I didn't see myself as a failing parent any more. I still felt inadequate at times and struggled to figure out how to be a better parent to each child, but I wasn't failing!
They say the proof is in the pudding (which is an analogy that I don't totally get, but I understand the message in it). All four of our kids have now reached adulthood. None of them have gone to jail. Each one of them is gainfully employed in careers they can be proud of. And, most importantly, each one of them is being the parent they need to be to my 14 grandchildren. And, if the proof is still in the pudding, the results of their efforts are there for all the world to see. Each of these precious grandchildren is loved and nurtured and headed for success in life.
So, to anyone who is still raising kids, you are doing a great job! You may not feel like you are, and some days are hard, no getting around that. If anyone is making you feel like a failure, walk away from them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Parent to parent, we need to encourage one another and build up one another. As a grandparent to a parent, we need to remember how hard those days were and offer whatever help and encouragement we can.
Just as I was arrogant in my beginning success, I need to guard against arrogance in my current success. While good examples and training and discipline have contributed to my kids growing up well, the success is still theirs. They have made the choices to follow their training and examples and faith. All my successful parenting could be for naught if one of my kids decides to follow the wrong path.
I have read that getting old isn't for sissies, and that's true. But taking on parenting is the truest test of courage. The challenges are real but so are the benefits!
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